Monday, September 28, 2009

Dixie's views on the time-out chair

Hi!  It's me, Dixie!  I've been having a fun day chewing on Mommy's pant leg, chewing on my little human's socks, and chewing this yummy paper thing called "Emma's math book", whatever that means.  All this chewing can be hard work, but do you think that Mommy appreciates that?  You don't even have to say it, we both know the answer.  So anyway, I thought I would share my ideas on the time-out chair.  First of all, researchers tend to agree that time-outs are not effective for anyone under 24 months.  Ummm, hello?  I'm only 1!  Also, time-outs increase separation anxiety which can damage my core sense of security.  Think about that, it's my core!  I'm thinking that maybe one of you, my loving followers, can call my mommy and explain these things to her.  Thanks in advance!  Your diva-Dixie

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Spa Day

Come on, do I really need to even say anything? I see no difference, do you? And by the way...calling it "spa day" doesn't really do anything but annoy me. Who does she think she's fooling?

Friday, September 25, 2009

Dixie's views on population control

Hi!  It's me, Dixie!  I have some thoughts on population growth in the household.  First, it's okay with me if it is growth in the admiring people population (admiring of me...the adorable dog).  However, I draw the line at increasing the "oh so cute" hamster population (cue the vomit noise here).  I mean, come on!  These are rodents (don't people set traps for these things?)...I am man's best friend, loyal and obviously lovely in countless ways.  What is up with this?   Your confused, but always fabulous diva-Dixie

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Dixie's views on bathroom rugs

Hi! It's me, Dixie!  I have a few things on my mind about bathroom rugs.  The first thing is, they are yummy.  The second thing is, they are easy to reach.  We're talking no effort...right there, on the floor, yumminess at my feet.  So with those two facts in mind, why am I being targeted for insulting comments and reprimands simply because I responded in an obvious way?  How unfair is that?  Mommy even threw away the chunks that I worked so hard to rip off...what a waste!  Doesn't she know that there are starving dogs in India that could feed their entire family on those chunks?  So really, this isn't even about me, it's about ending world hunger for dogs.  I am being stuck outside on that tie thing because I have a better global awareness than other lazy pets. (cough...Sophie)  Anyway, those are my thoughts on bathroom rugs.  Your pal-Dixie

Monday, September 14, 2009

Dixie's views on the justice system in multi-pet households

Hi! It's me, Dixie!  I am going to start by asking you, my loving followers, who you see sitting outside of the house?  Who has been banned to face the harsh elements on her own?  Is it one of the cats? The ones who lure innocent dogs into conflicts and mischief? The ones who are at this very moment sitting inside a warm, safe shelter while I am facing the challenges of nature...alone?!  I need to mention that I wasn't even given the opportunity to defend my side of the story.  Just because Sophie was wet with dog slobber and my mouth was full of white fluffy stuff...well, what does that really prove? But don't worry, beloved reader, I am planning on contacting the local news as soon as possible.  This thing is gonna' be exposed, that's for sure.  They won't even know what hit them. Your suffering diva-Dixie

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Dixie's bath

A word of advice to my beloved readers...
When you get the chance to roll around in wet grass clippings (which is totally cool! I highly suggest this activity), don't let the humans catch you afterwards.  Do you see the injustice that has been done to me?
Your beloved, although unappreciated heroine-Dixie

Friday, September 11, 2009

Dixie's views on breath

Hi, it's me! Dixie!  My day has been very exciting because the guys were pouring the new sidewalk next door, and I had lots of people to bark at.  I was, however, insulted today and knew that you, my beloved readers, would sympathize with me.  I have been accused of having "stinky" dog breath.  Excuse me? And just now my mommy tried to brush my teeth with some goop that she kept telling me was "yummy".  Ha!  First of all, I know for a fact that my breath smells like a combination of goose poop and my feet.  That is a delightful smell, can anyone actually argue with that?!!  I work very hard to achieve just that exact smell! These people have got some nerve.  Personally I am grossed out by that minty stuff they like to put on their teeth.  Does anyone ask how I feel about it? You already know the answer, don't you?  Your diva-Dixie

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Are you kidding me?

Ummmm.....what the heck is this?  And why is it in my house?  And why do I keep hearing "Look how cute she is!" when nobody is actually looking at me?   Further investigation is needed...

Look at what that woman did!

Excuse me, beloved reader, if my nose seems a bit out of joint today.  That woman (the one that I usually call mommy, but today she is "that woman") moved MY couch!  Did she call a meeting to discuss the pros and cons of such a huge change on the household environment?  No!  She just went and did it!   Can you see the relative distance between the window and myself?  Do you understand the stress that this modification puts on my ability to spot and bark at random things?  She said it had something to do with the distribution of light (that sounds totally made up, don't you think?).  I think I'll trip her a few extra times today.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Dixie's views on cats

Hi! It's me, Dixie!  First of all, before I even begin let's do a basic compare and contrast.  This is a cat (in the basket).  Who, in your objective opinion, is cuter?  Who is obviously more intelligent?  You would never catch me sitting in a basket...I'm just saying.  I could stop right here and my point would be made, am I right?  So get this, this cat thing is trying to take the attention away from me with its little "Look at me, I'm in a basket" bit. Can you believe it?  So the real question I let the cat out or do I just eat it?  It's your call. Your unappreciated heroine-Dixie

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Dixie the Banana

Do you see what I put up with?  Yes, this is me, your diva....dressed up like a banana.  I would like this photograph to serve as evidence of the mistreatment that I am subjected to on a regular basis. 
Your tormented heroine,

Wow, I'm cute!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Dixie's views on dog labor

Hi, it's me, Dixie! Don't worry, dear reader, I know I look exhausted, but I will be my lovable and excited self in no time.  The amount of labor that is expected of me is just mind blowing though.  Get this...I had to start my barking at 7:00 this morning when the Chem Lawn guy came (and he had the nerve to call me a "poodle", which is unbelievable, but I will address that at a later time).  Anyway, then the construction guys started coming in...more barking.  THEN this guy starts walking around on our roof banging stuff...serious barking requiredDon't even get me started on the golfers, the mailman, general car you see my point?  My life is so full of hardship, but I will continue on as your idol after my nap.  Your Pal-Dixie