Monday, October 31, 2011

Dixie's Halloween

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I thought that I had an understanding with mommy about the Halloween thing since last year I got away without a costume, but she is back to her old ways.  A fairy princess? Everyone knows that the cool dogs are going like Snooki this year.
Anyway, I wanted to update all of you, my loyal fans, on why I have been so distracted lately. Recently I was on a walky with mommy and I saw this strange fellow hiding in the neighboring shrubbery. Needless to say, I was a bit alarmed. I decided that I would play it cool and see if he would evacuate the area simply based on seeing me on my rounds. Unfortunately he was still there on my next walky. I managed to contain my panic until I did the appropriate research, and I discovered that he calls himself a gnome. Don't be fooled by the cute little name! He is actually a humanoid with terrible fashion sense.  I don't know about you, but I don't trust anything that ends in "noid". I gotta' watch this fellow. But for the moment I am going to bark at trick-or-treaters. Your diva-Dixie

Friday, August 5, 2011

Friday, July 8, 2011

Dixie's views on being proactive

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I know you are wondering where I have been. I have been enjoying a much needed sabbatical, resting from my customary duties and taking the time to acquire new diva skills. Mommy has been getting more magazines lately, and the style sections have been quite helpful. However, you really need to hear what has been going on this last week. Mommy is once again on a mission to refresh my haircut. I am still trying to recover from her cutting those sumptuous bangs several months ago. This time I decided to take a procative approach. At the first signs of her scheduling my salon time, I faked a medical emergency. Yes, I know it's hard core, but I have found that extreme measures are needed. So I choked. Don't worry, I had everything under complete control. Since much of my sabbatical time has been used to sharpen my acting skills, this was actually pretty easy to pull off. Mommy not only canceled my appointment due to my trauma, she also got me new soft treats and special chewy stuff. Score one for Dix. Of course I expected her to reschedule the appointment, which she did, and that was for this morning. Anyone notice that I still have my long glossy hair? Ha! I can not reveal my methods, but I managed to...ummmm....take care of my groomer. So he doesn't show up this morning (I would be doing an evil laugh here if dogs could laugh) and I'm back on my chair barking at the garbage truck. Score two for Dix. I assume that yet another reschedule is in the works, but I'm on a roll. I am sure that I will be reporting to you very soon with my tresses intact. Your crafty diva-Dixie

Monday, May 2, 2011

Dixie's views on the tie out stake

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I know that everyone likes to hear about my daily activity updates, but I fear that I must get right to the point today. The tie out stake...I've avoided this particular topic in the past because once I get started it just gets me too worked up. A diva should avoid getting worked up. I'm sure you are asking, "Dixie, what could have possibly happened to cause this change in policy regarding tie out stake commentary?"....well, get this. My humans tend to haphazardly move my tie out stake at unpredicatble times. Yes, it's annoying. Usually I am quite tolerant. Yes, I know my easygoing nature is impressive. This weekend, however, my tie out stake was moved to a location that makes it impossible for me to reach my good poop spot. I can get sooo close, it's like right there. I've tried every angle, but it is impossible to reach. How am I supposed to recreate a poop spot as special as that? And where is the motivation? They would probably just move the stake again! A diva needs an incentive to do things. Divas don't just make good poop spots willy nilly.  So I am sure that you, my intelligent followers, understand why I am unsure how to preceed.
 Oh yeah, and I keep getting twisted around this damn tree.  Your worked up diva-Dixie

Monday, April 11, 2011

Dixie's views on consistency

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I haven't had time to blog in a while because I was visiting my grandma. While I was there I caught something called "Bieber Fever" from my cousin. Don't tell my humans because they don't want this fever. My teenage girl human thinks this fever is repulsive for some reason. But have you seen this dude's grooming job? If he goes to Petsmart then I have to find out who his stylist is!
Besides having to conceal my fever, I have also faced other challenges since returning home.  For example, I had my grandpa trained perfectly to drop whatever he was doing and come rub my belly every time that I sat on the sofa corner and barked. No joke! And grandma would sit in the kitchen with me whenever I wanted to eat. If she didn't sit with me, I didn't eat. It worked like a charm. But I assume that you have already guessed that my mommy is not following through with these new routines. Get this....I sat on the sofa corner and barked, and she stuck me outside. Are you kidding me? This inconsistency is not good for a diva. The leading dog training websites seem to agree that human inconsistency is one of the main causes of dog stress. It impacts my temperament! I don't know what that means, but it doesn't sound good! I'm off to sit on the sofa corner and bark again. Wish me luck! Your diva-Dixie

Monday, March 14, 2011

Dixie's bad Monday

Hi. It's me, Dixie. So my darkest fears were realized this morning as I was dragged unwillingly to Petsmart with instructions directed to my stylist to give me a "puppy cut". Really? And someone should tell her that calling it "classic"doesn't change it. This cut is sooo 2010. I realize that if anyone can pull off the vintage thing it's me, but I think she just wants to trap me in a time warp for her own twisted pleasure. Doesn't this pattern of mommy behavior indicate some sort of syndrome? I'll just add this event to the growing collection of material for my upcoming memoir. I am sorry if I've ruined your Monday morning with this update. Don't fear, the swoop will return. Your vintage diva-Dixie

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Dixie's views on a good swoop

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I've been spending my Saturday looking for the latest fashion trends to jazz up my image, and I have one word for you. Bangs. That's right, I discovered that I have that natural "dramatically flat" look that Redbook says the celebrities want. I don't even have to try! Look at these bangs! According to Hair Resources it is very important to achieve a good swoop. It's like they were thinking of me specifically when they wrote that. These bangs are the definition of good swoop, don't you agree?  Now here is the problem...I see the word "Petsmart" on the calendar for Monday. Why would that be on the calendar? If she was shopping at Petsmart then why would she put it on the calendar?? There is no way that she intends to get these bangs cut, right?! Right!!?? Maybe I am just reading the word wrong (It is kinda' hard to see through these bangs) and it says something else. That has to be it. I'm sure that I will be reporting in on Monday that my bangs are still fabulously swooping. Okay, I feel better now. Your swooping diva-Dixie  

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Dixie's views on muddy feet

Hi! It's me, Dixie! Check out my cool muddy feet! Mommy and I went on our walkie and there was all kinds of stuff to step in! It. Was. Awesome. Mommy is insisting that I need a bath, but seriously....humans pay good money for this kind of mud! Any diva knows that mud removes pore clogging impurities, improves circulation, and reduces signs of aging. I mean, I'm 3 now! I need to take aging seriously! I saw on the Diva Village website that mud "contains nutrients, trace elements, and various minerals". I love elements, especially the trace ones.  So hopefully I will be able to avoid the bath and maintain my muddy paws. Your hopeful diva-Dixie 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Dixie's views on being 3

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I'm 3 today! Oh boy! I'm very excited to celebrate my special day, but those of you who saw my post a few weeks ago know that this also marks an end to the terrible twos. Whew! In my eagerness to begin this new phase of my life, I decided to research what  wonderful things are expected in my threes. I was happy to find that these are my years of exploration, and that I will be spending lots of time learning through observation. That sounds like me. But then, get this, according to the National Network for Childcare I should be able to draw a circle and hop on one foot. What the heck is that about?  What's the point of this? That mutt down the block, Duke, is way older than I am and I've never seen him draw a circle. However, I am nothing if not an open-minded diva, and if it is expected that I draw a circle in order to have successful threes, then draw a circle I will. So I am off to begin my quest for shape mastery. But first, to celebrate my birthday, I will chew on my blue monkey's ear for a bit. Your 3-year-old diva-Dixie

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Dixie's snow mountain

Hi! It's me, Dixie! No really, it's me! I bet that you thought I was some really good looking arctic wolverine or some other dangerous glacial predator, but it's really just me standing guard on my snow mountain. Mommy made me wear the fluffy purple jacket even though I tried to explain that it is difficult to establish authority when I look this good, but she didn't listen. You will notice that I am not wearing the boots. I won that battle. Anyway, I haven't detected any of those shifty snowmen yet. I'm sure that they saw me up here. Yeah, that has to be it. If anything comes up I'll let you know. Your fearless diva-Dixie

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Dixie's views on terrible twos

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I have very exciting news! In just a couple of weeks it will be my third birthday! Beloved followers, I am looking forward to this for more than the obvious reasons. You see, I have been living in dreadful anticipation of something for an entire year. It all began last year when mommy made an offhand comment about me entering the "terrible twos". She failed to elaborate on this at the time which caused me a great deal of stress. How can she just heartlessly throw that out there and not explain? What will be terrible about my twos? What horror awaits me?  So of course I used my superior research skills to look into the matter. However, this was not as helpful as you may expect.  You see, I kept getting misdirected to information about willful misconduct and unattractive tantrums on the part of the two-year-old.  That's obviously not what she was talking about. I mean, be serious. Me? Unattractive tantrums? So I came to the conclusion that whatever it is must be too terrible to discuss openly. When that snowman dude was standing out there I was sure that was it, but apparently he left. Yep, that's right...I scared him. And although the frizzy hair issue was upsetting, it wasn't exactly terrible. So I have to make it about 3 more weeks before I am in the clear. I need to return to my post, but I will bring you any new developments immediately. Your vigilant diva-Dixie 

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dixie's views on flyaway hair

Hi! It's me, Dixie! No, it really is me! I realize that I have dry flyaway hair that is not worthy of a diva, but that is hardly my fault. I consulted Cosmopolitan magazine and discovered that I am in dire need of Matrix Extreme Creme. Okay, easy enough. So I printed the indisputable facts to show to mommy.  She was surprisingly unmoved. What the heck? We're talking about static electricity on my head!! What could be more important than that? Doesn't she realize that I have extra electrons...that's too many electrons! If I touch a conductor I will get shocked! So now I have to worry about avoiding conductors on top of everything else. This is way too much stress on a diva. Also, what if that cute pooch, Barney, sees me with this flyaway hair? I can't even think about this anymore. I have to go chew my foot. Your electron loaded diva-Dixie