Monday, October 19, 2009

Dixie's views on dog intelligence

Hi! It's me, Dixie!  I'm busy doing my guard dog thing today. I've been fine-tuning my growl for the Halloween season, and I am pretty sure that I scared the grocery guy this morning.  Anyway, I thought I'd take a break to share my views on the findings of Dr. Stanley Coren, professor of psychology in Vancouver.  I find it somewhat unsettling that Lhasa Apsos are ranked as the 68th most intelligent dogs.  It was good to see that I at least came in above the Shih Tzu, but 68?!?  I will also mention that Poodles came in at number 2...ummm, hello?!  Have you ever seen a Poodle with blogging skills?  Are Poodles reading your website, Dr. Coren?  Nope, that's me, number 68!  I am aware that I am afraid of pumpkins, but this shouldn't count towards my intelligence.  Pumpkins are creepy, everyone knows that! And now I have to worry about those obnoxious Labs that I pass on my walk.  They're gonna' be talking smack with their number 7 rank.  It is some comfort to me that you, my loving followers, know the truth. Your undervalued diva-Dixie 

Monday, October 12, 2009

Dixie's views on new boots

Hi! It's me, Dixie!  Check out my new boots! Aren't they cool? I just love them! What a great idea my humans had! Boots!! (Okay, does that sound realistic enough?  If I sound convincing then maybe they'll let me wear them outside and I can kick them off in the construction mud.  All I need to do is lose one, right?  Then I've broken up the set.  By the way, what kind of genius invents this crap?  I bet it was a cat's idea...some grand plan to demoralize the dog population.)  Anyway, I just wanted to show you my cool new boots!  Your pal-Dixie

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dixie's views on lawn aeration

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I have a few thoughts to share on the subject of lawn aeration. I will elaborate for my feline readers who may not go outside and are confused. Aeration involves making holes in the lawn by coring, which is extracting a plug of soil. Translation? Aeration is the process of confusing innocent dogs by producing dirt chunks that look extremely similar to poop, therefore making it impossible for dogs to find "their spot". I mean, I left perfectly good poop out there and now I can't find it! Am I expected to wander aimlessly in search of my "spot"?!?! Didn't someone consider putting up a little sign or flag for me to help in the location process? Sheesh! Your stressed out diva-Dixie

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Dixie's views on football

Hi!  It's me, Dixie!  I am enjoying my Sunday afternoon of napping and chewing my feet.  My humans are very caught up in the big games, so I thought this would be a good time to share my opinions on football.  I have none.  I'm a dog.  Dogs don't care about football. All I know is that we have all of the TVs tuned to the same exact game when there is a perfectly good Dog 101 marathon on Animal Planet.  Oh, and don't get me started on the conversations that they've been having about whether to buy me a Bears collar or a Ravens collar.  I even heard someone mention a game day doggie t-shirt.  If that happens, I am moving in with grandma....I'm just saying.  Your misunderstood diva-Dixie