Sunday, January 16, 2011

Dixie's views on terrible twos

Hi! It's me, Dixie! I have very exciting news! In just a couple of weeks it will be my third birthday! Beloved followers, I am looking forward to this for more than the obvious reasons. You see, I have been living in dreadful anticipation of something for an entire year. It all began last year when mommy made an offhand comment about me entering the "terrible twos". She failed to elaborate on this at the time which caused me a great deal of stress. How can she just heartlessly throw that out there and not explain? What will be terrible about my twos? What horror awaits me?  So of course I used my superior research skills to look into the matter. However, this was not as helpful as you may expect.  You see, I kept getting misdirected to information about willful misconduct and unattractive tantrums on the part of the two-year-old.  That's obviously not what she was talking about. I mean, be serious. Me? Unattractive tantrums? So I came to the conclusion that whatever it is must be too terrible to discuss openly. When that snowman dude was standing out there I was sure that was it, but apparently he left. Yep, that's right...I scared him. And although the frizzy hair issue was upsetting, it wasn't exactly terrible. So I have to make it about 3 more weeks before I am in the clear. I need to return to my post, but I will bring you any new developments immediately. Your vigilant diva-Dixie 

Friday, January 7, 2011

Dixie's views on flyaway hair

Hi! It's me, Dixie! No, it really is me! I realize that I have dry flyaway hair that is not worthy of a diva, but that is hardly my fault. I consulted Cosmopolitan magazine and discovered that I am in dire need of Matrix Extreme Creme. Okay, easy enough. So I printed the indisputable facts to show to mommy.  She was surprisingly unmoved. What the heck? We're talking about static electricity on my head!! What could be more important than that? Doesn't she realize that I have extra electrons...that's too many electrons! If I touch a conductor I will get shocked! So now I have to worry about avoiding conductors on top of everything else. This is way too much stress on a diva. Also, what if that cute pooch, Barney, sees me with this flyaway hair? I can't even think about this anymore. I have to go chew my foot. Your electron loaded diva-Dixie